Inside the Series: Zombie Powder
by Titan Nerd 68
Summary: Like the Bleach one, but with Zombie Powder. Either way, Charles Tolle will keep on embarrassing celebrities!
1. Akutabi Gamma Part I

**Inside the Series: Zombie Powder**

So, this is like the _Bleach _version, but not. It will have the same format, of three parts for each person I cover. Here's the interview with a main man, Gamma.

* * *

Chapter 1: Akutabi Gamma Part I

Akutabi Gamma is one of the main characters of the amazing manga series _Zombie Powder. _He is known as the black armed shinigami, and this is true, except for the fact that he is half shinigami, as both of his grandmothers are death gods. His paternal grandfather was a carpenter and his maternal grandfather was a woman, so we don't know who his maternal grandmother was. Welcome to Charles Tolle's interview with the black armed shinigami.

_Kghkght!!!!!!!!_

"Welcome to Inside the Series," announced Charles as he stepped onto the stage. "I'm Charles Tolle, I'm a wildman, and I'm the only host in showbiz who's had a show canceled because the host was so hot, all the girls who saw him had vaginal eruptions, and couches are expensive to clean." The audience booed. "Seriously, you people have no sense of humor. Anyway, I'm here with one of the main men of _Zombie Powder,_ the one, the only, Akutabi Gamma!"

Gamma stepped into the studio and sat down across from Charles. He put a hand on his chainsaw.

"Hello, Charles," he said. "I am ready to challenge you to a show!"

"No, you're here so that I can interview you," said Charles. "You're having a seat, so let's have an interview."

"Before we begin," said Gamma, "I have a quick question."

"Lay it on me, my friend."

"Where's the piss bucket? I'm about to drown a horse."

"That way," said Charles pointing toward the bathroom. "Hurry back, please."

Gamma ran off. Charles sat on the stage alone.

"Okay," he said. "I'll fill this empty minute. There's a man in a restaurant, and he calls his waiter over and says, 'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!' and the waiter says, 'It's the rotting meat that attracts them.' "

"Ha ha!" laughed a man. "Ees funny cause he ees eating rotten meat! Ooooh!"

"Who let Fouad in?" Charles asked.

"I'm back," said Gamma. "Sorry."

"You gotta go, you gotta go," said Charles. "XYZ, by the way."

"Oh, thanks," said Gamma as he zipped up.

"So, Mr. Akutabi, you are a fan favorite in your series. What do you have to say about that?"

"Well, I do appreciate the respect," said Gamma. "I'd like to take this moment to thank the fans of _Zombie Powder _and even the fans of _Bleach, _because we are by the same man. And I would also like to thank the fans of Tite Kubo's side stories in the last three _Zombie Powder_ volumes, because the fans are all fans."

"Yeah, so, exactly why did you nail the armor into your arm?"

"Besides the ability to catch bullets, it also allows me to be a blacksmith without a hammer. I'm a licensed smith, and in the off-season of crime, I work at Williamsburg."

"What's the main disadvantage besides not being able to jack off?"

"I'm left-handed, so I can still jack off."

"Oh. That answers my question. Okay, what made you undertake the _Zombie Powder _job in the first place?"

"It wasn't my choice, really. Kubo approached me and asked if I'd like to star in his series. I was a guy living on the streets making a few pennies by breakdancing. He was a guy starting out on his own, I was a guy who had started, but I was thrown out on my ass, so I was also on my own."

"Thrown out on your ass?"

"I used to be a pro breakdancer. But next thing you know, my group, Greek Shinigami was out, and that a-hole Balmunk's group Mystic Mysticism was in."

"So, why is Balmunk on _Zombie Powder _with you?"

"He juggles the two jobs to spite me. It goes back to high school."

"You went to high school?"

"The only people in _Zombie Powder _who didn't go to high school are Angelle, Nazna, Elwood, and that weird one from Balmunk's circus with the knives."

"Midge Falzon?"

"Yeah, that ugly-ass girl."

"Man."

"That too."

"So, you're kinda like Michael Jackson. A fan favorite even though a pedophile," said Charles.

"Excuse me?" Gamma asked.

"Angelle. She's half your age."

"She's eleven years younger and she's twelve now."

"That's still an age gap of over a century."

"Decade."

"That too."

"Look, it's mutual. I'm not supposed to kiss her until she's sixteen. Where she learns all that crazy sexual stuff, I have no idea."

"Rukia."

"What?"

"Yeah, I saw Angelle giving Elwood a Soul Society Sword Sharpening yesterday. I saw it and I jizzed in my pants."

Gamma did not speak. He instead punched Charles with his metal hand before picking up his chainsaw, then he remembered a crucial detail.

"Uh, if I say that I'm loony cuckoo, it's not murder, right?" he asked. "Anyone?"

"Chop him up!" someone in the audience shouted, making everyone else take up the cry.

"Don't chop me up!" Charles cried as he stumbled to his feet and fell off the stage. "Ow! Hey, uh, Gamma? Gamma? You still up there? Friend? Ally? I've fallen rather hard on my ass and I doubt I can get up! Some ass-wipe put a dildo right where I fell, and it's up there pretty good and it hurts like a son of a bitch. Hello! Gamma?"

Gamma simply walked off the stage as the audience cheered.

* * *

How was this one? Want more? Less? Read and tell me honestly and politely.


	2. Elwood Shepherd Part I

**Inside the Series: Zombie Powder**

I don't own _Zombie Powder_, and we know this because if I did, it would have my style to it and it would be finished. And, no, my style doesn't necessarily mean it would be funny. Here is Elwood Shepherd Part I

* * *

Chapter II: Elwood Shepherd Part I

"Yeah, you know what this is," said Charles. "You know you like it. _Inside the Series_ with the cast of _Zombie Powder_. Now let's bring Elwood in for his Studio Session!"

"Hi," said Elwood. "First, let's get a few things straight between us. I promise I will not try to take your wallet or anything else of value you may have."

"Give me back my college ring," said Charles.

"I said I wouldn't take anything of value," said Elwood, "But if a ring from Penn State is that valuable to you, okay." He returned Charles's ring.

"All right," said Charles. "Let's get this shit underway! First question of the evening comes from Eric O'Brien."

"Mr. Shepherd," said Eric O'Brien as he adjusted his glasses and fiddled with his mustache, "Why are you so poor?"

"I'm not poor anymore!" Elwood insisted. "The _Zombie Powder _movie will be out any day now!"

"It'll be worse than _Street Fighter_," said Charles. "I saw the trailer. Learn to act, please!"

"Fuck you, Charles," said Elwood.

"Second question comes from Roger Zapp," said Charles, ignoring Elwood.

"Were you just listening?" Elwood asked. "I said, 'Fuck you, Charles'."

"Elwood, shut up," said Roger Zapp. "I'm trying to ask you a question."

"And you failed," said Charles. "Please sit down now, Mr. Zapp. Our third question comes from Graham Winfree."

"Is it true that you are really two giant albino spiders in a gorilla suit that got screwed up in the wash?" asked Graham Winfree.

"Actually," said Elwood, "I'm a hermaphroditic bipolar cobra. The rest of me is controlled FUCK OFF by a remote control operated by a BULLSHIT tick that lives in my vagina. I also have Tourette's."

"Okay," said Charles. "I was not expecting that. Our fourth question comes from Osman Jefferson."

"Wait, this isn't the _Naruto _edition of _Inside the Series?_" Osman Jefferson asked.

"No, it's the _Zombie Powder _edition," said Charles. "Bring me your question later. Our fifth question comes from Hilary Jackson."

"What is your name?" Hilary Jackson asked.

"John Elwood Shepherd," said Elwood.

"I always thought it was Nicoletta Alexandra McDonald," said Charles. "I always thought Elwood was your stage name, and I would never have guessed that your first name was really John. Nice ring though, toilet boy. Sixth question comes from Rebecca Russell."

"What is your quest?" Rebecca Russell asked.

"To find the Zombie Powder to resurrect my sister," Elwood said looking a tad puzzled.

"A truly worthy quest," said Charles. "I don't think her death would stop people like Kame Sen'nin and Ash Ketchum."

"But he's such a nice kid and probably doesn't know how sex works," said Elwood.

"Ash Ketchum the character probably doesn't," said Charles. "If you've met the actor the way I have, he'd probably do something incredibly nasty. I might vomit." Charles paused for a second before he stuck his finger down his throat. "That's much better. Okay, seventh question comes from Cathy Church."

"What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?" Cathy Church asked. "I want the answers for African and European."

"I don't know the answer to either question," Elwood said. "Can someone ask me a question relevant to my series?"

"I'll do that when I interview you," said Charles. "Mr. Shepherd, my friend, it's been great having you on the show. Ms. Church asked two questions in one, so I'm sorry Suzanne Sopho, but your question will have to be thrown out."

"Charles," said Elwood, "You have fifteen minutes left in the show, so I'm sure you can take her question, since technically only seven were asked."

"I said Ms. Church asked two questions in one," said Charles as he shook Elwood's hand. "The first one was 'what is the air speed velocity of an unladen African swallow' and her second question was 'what is the air speed velocity of an unladen European swallow'. That's two questions. Now get the hell out of my studio."

"That's it," said Elwood. "Bye, Charles."

"Joke's on you!" Charles called after the departing Elwood. "That wallet has no money! It's just got angry rabbits in it!"

Outside the studio, Elwood screamed as the rabbits attacked.

"Tune in next time!" Charles said. "I'll show you my encounter with Balmunk!"

* * *

Enjoy this one. I think the next one will be fun.


	3. Balmunk Part I

**Inside the Series: Zombie Powder**

I don't own _Zombie Powder_, and we know this because if I did, it would have my style to it and it would be finished. And, no, my style doesn't necessarily mean it would be funny. Here is Balmunk Part I

* * *

Balmunk (because his full name is very long and hard to spell [haha, i said long and hard]) is a mystic. He is also a criminal, but I think he could kick David Blaine and Criss Angel's asses at the same time. Here is an encounter with him. He was at a general store during the time he tried to run for mayor of Alcantara, and when Charles was disguised as a cashier, our cameras were rolling

_kghght!_

"Hello!" Balmunk said excitedly. "Comment allez-vous, monsieur?"

"Je vais bien," said Charles. "Look, we speak English here. It's company policy."

"Mais j'aime parler Francais!"

"ENGLISH, muthafucka, speak it!"

"Are you allowed to curse at the patrons of your store like that?"

"No. So, Mr. Balmunk, right?"

"Yes."

"Mystic Mysticism is the shit."

"Khorosho. Glad you enjoy."

"Okay, let's see what you have here. Light bulbs, milk, oatmeal, bread, ramen, lasagna, a picture frame, thumbtacks, ink, Easy Mac, TV dinners, lotion, toilet paper, matches, Hustler, rubber gloves, soap, pomade, apple juice, baby oil, diapers, nails, Street Fighter Anthology, a bow tie, and vodka. That's twenty-five items, Mr. Balmunk. This is the Twelve or Less lane."

"So?"

"So either put thirteen items back or go to a regular checkout line, magic boy."

"You do know that I can kill you and make everyone who sees forget you exist."

"No, Mr. Balmunk, no one will ever forget Charles Tolle! And every word we have exchanged has been recorded! So let's run this new ad!"

_kghghkhgt!_

Baragne Binoix Bartoreuil Balmunk. A-0 level criminal. High school graduate. Breakdancer. Former plumber. Takes twenty-five items into the Twelve or Less lane. Circus performer. Did not fight in the war.

('I was seven months old when it started, there's no way I could have fought,' Balmunk said)

Do you want a man like this as your mayor? Not in a poor town like Alcantara. Vote Akutabi Gamma if you know what's good for you. Compiled by Charles Tolle for the sake of embarrassing a celebrity.

_kghghkhgt!_

"Don't vote Balmunk in 2009!" Charles screamed as he wrestled with Balmunk's two headed cobra.

* * *

I hope you enjoyed this one. I think the next one will be fun.


	4. CT Smith Part I

**Inside the Series: Zombie Powder**

I don't own _Zombie Powder_, and we know this because if I did, it would have my style to it and it would be finished. And, no, my style doesn't necessarily mean it would be funny. Here is Smith Part I

* * *

CT Smith is Akutabi Gamma's partner. In the crime sense. Both men are straight. We know this because you never see them hitting on each other, because if they did, well, then they'd probably be gay. Go figure, I just write the intros to the episodes. Here is Charles's interview with Smith.

"Welcome to the show, Mr. Smith," said Charles. "It's a real honor to have here in my studio the man who is good at everything he does."

"Thank you for the compliment," said Smith, "But sadly, I am not good at writing Baroque style Norwegian poetry. Gamma outshines me there."

"That's a little surprising to me," said Charles, "Because I know that Gamma doesn't read well."

"He doesn't," said Smith. "Another thing he's good at is raising slime molds. He has a few as pets. I can raise them, but they're mysterious to me, so I don't."

"Okay," said Charles. "Let's get down to the real shit. You graduated top of all your classes, graduated high school at age ten and college at age twelve. What did you do until you got your job in _Zombie Powder_?"

"I did some crazy shit, man," said Smith as he suddenly lit up a toke. "I did some real crazy shit."

"I didn't know you were a toker. By the way, I'd prefer if you put that out." Smith pulled his gun. "In that case, may I have some?"

"Sure," said Smith as he passed Charles a joint. "So, enough about me, man, let's hear some shit about you."

"Okay," said Charles. He took a huge drag. "Not only am I flamingly bisexual, I once took a dump in the middle of a supermarket and ate it."

"Wicked, man."

"I know. But enough about me, man, let's hear some shit about you."

"Well, one time, Elwood and I were playing poker."

"Yeah?"

"I kicked his ASS!"

"Now that's it!"

"Yeah. But enough about me, man, let's hear some shit about you."

"Okay," said Charles. "Every time I hear the word hamper, I picture myself doing Kenshi from Mortal Kombat in one."

"Aww, dude, that's so fuckin' awesome."

"It is. But enough about me, man, let's hear some shit about you."

"I can put my whole foot in my mouth."

"Nice, foot fister."

"It's great. But enough about me, man, let's hear some shit about you."

"That's all for today's show," said Charles as he became regular again. "Next show we will have Wolfina on for something other than titty-fucking. Until then, I'm Charles Tolle, and I just smoked weed on TV with CT Smith."

* * *

Sorry to disappoint, but I'm thinking of scrapping this project for the buddy flicks. Worry not, I will have Wolfina's chapter at least.


End file.
